Full list of jokes
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble inthe countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room fortwo to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.""No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for fortyyears. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With thathe departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door,and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There isa pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes latethe same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?"the farmer asked.The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, butthere is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. Ican't sleep on holy ground!"Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled andcomplained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was anotherknock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened thedoor, and there stood the pig and the cow.Link to joke: A lawyer and two friends, a...
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"Link to joke: A lawyer named Strange died, and...
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven,but not at all happy with his accommodations.He complained to St. Peter, who told him that hisonly recourse was to appeal his assignment. Thelawyer immediately advised that he intended toappeal, but was then told that he would be waitingat least three years before his appeal could beheard. The lawyer protested that a three-year waitwas unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears.The lawyer was then approached by the devil, whotold him that he would be able to arrange an appealto be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willingto change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: "Why canappeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?"The devil answered: "We have all of the judges."Link to joke: A lawyer passed on and found...
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There's no sign of the offending vehicle, but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leavingmy name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."Link to joke: A lawyer returns to his parked...
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. There's no sign of theoffending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's anote stuck under the windshield wiper."Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkI'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."Link to joke: A lawyer returns to his parked...
Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D.C. Dear John, Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness. Therefore, we want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We are well aware of how mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident you will soon make a complete recovery, and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive citizen. Best wishes, Bill Clinton President United States of America P.S. Just thought you might like to know, Ken Starr is fucking Jodie Foster.Link to joke: Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital...
A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy look like?" Father responds, "well son, before or after sex?" Son, "Well, before?" Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son." Son, "well what about after?" Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"Link to joke: A little boy walks up to...
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insultyou by offering payment. But I would like for you to know thatI had mentioned you in my will.""That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, andthen added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'dlike to make a little change..."Link to joke: The patient shook his doctor's hand...
A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says..... "Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?" The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks backat the little girl and winks.... "When your mommy goes to the mall!"Link to joke: A little girl goes into the...
A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was takinga walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. Shehad no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pairof panties. The girl was so happy and told her mommy about it. The nextday when the priest was again taking his daily walk, he looked up thesame tree and saw the young girl's mother up there. She had no pantieson. He called her down and gave her two dollars to buy a razor.Link to joke: A little girl was playing up...
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