Full list of jokes

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
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While attending a spelling session in school one day,The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spellthe word DICTATE?Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E"The teacher replies, "very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that wordin a sentence?"Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can." "I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."
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While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out acigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand."There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously."No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?""No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his ear."Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke.Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."
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While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brandnew tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belongto, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing,waiting for the lights to change.A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts."What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust."Tennis ball," came the breathless reply."Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. Ihad tennis elbow once."
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Who makes all the bras for brunettes? Fisher-Price
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Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.
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It is time to elect a world leader and your vote counts.Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consultswith astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chainsmokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleepsuntil noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart ofbrandy every evening.Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't hadany illicit affairs.Which of these candidates is your choice??Candidate A is Franklin D. RooseveltCandidate B is Winston ChurchillCandidate C is Adolph HitlerSent by Marina
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There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussinghow much their husbands could get up their crotch. The first women said, "My husband can get his whole hand up me". The second lady said, "My husband can get his whole head up me". The third lady slid down the bar stool.
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A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."
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Why can't a man eat like a bird?Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker?Sent by Chris
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