Full list of jokes
The media have grotesquely skewed the public image of women who choose to own firearms. Unfortunately, such exposure can affect one's self-image. This test is offered in the hopes of putting these false images into a more proper perspective. Please circle your answers to each below: 1. What is the real meaning of that pink T-shirt with a revolver on it that says: "The ultimate in feminine protection" ? 1. Obviously a plot by seditious gun fanatics from the NRA. 2. I'm amazed the pigs have no law banning women's T-Shirts. 3. A 9mm for "light days" and a .44 Magnum for "heavy days". 2. For rape and assault prevention, a whistle is: 1. All you'll ever need. 2. Like I'd use yet another phallic symbol. 3. The signal to open Fire. 3. The movie "Thelma & Louise" was: 1. An insidious plot to stamp out femininity and glorify violence. 2. A male ploy to encourage further suppression of women. 3. A training film. 4. What was technically wrong with the scene in "Thelma & Louise" where the two women disarmed a Texas State Police Officer. 1. Tacky, tasteless, and altogether gauche I mean pointing guns; let alone taking his icky, disgusting gun for their own use. 2. Only thing I saw wrong was that it took two sisters to disarm only one man; not realistic at all. 3. The dummies left a perfectly good shotgun clamped to the dashboard of the cruiser. 5. A mouse runs across the kitchen floor. The proper response it to: 1. Climb onto a high stool and scream for a man to help you. 2. Is it a male mouse or a female mouse ? 3. Link up the belt feed to the M-60. 6. You are discussing the local crime stats with your neighbor, Ralph, who suggests you buy a .25 caliber pistol for defense. You reply: 1. Never! A woman who buys a gun has humiliatingly surrendered to the evil ethos of mindless brute force! 2. Yeah, like I'm supposed to stand there and let old fat gut Ralph leer and drool like he usually does. Men are such pigs ! 3. Only to plant in the dead hand of the next little weasel stupid enough to give me whimpy advice like that! 7. What is your reaction to the concept of a bra holster ? [INLINE] 1. Obscene ! The icon of death with the symbol of nurturing. 2. What's a bra ? 3. As long as it doesn't get in the way of my shoulder sling. 8. Define "male." 1. The first syllable of "malevolence," which in turn is only one letter short of "male violence." 2. An animal with a one track mind. A brute who feels the need to try to control, suppress, double-talk all women everywhere. 3. A quaint anachronism, once useful for protection of females, but rendered obsolete by contemporary firepower. 9. Where, in the scheme of things defensive, do such spray products as Mace and CapStun belong? 1. Nowhere! If you just show your attacker compassion and understanding, you won't need nasty things like that. 2. Yet more products of questionable effect manufactured by the male dominated industrial complex to make women feel somewhat secure. 3. In the medicine cabinet; real women use mace instead of Feminique. 10. You are cornered in your home by a knife-wielding intruder. He ignores your command to halt, and charges you with the knife upraised. How many shots should you fire? 1. None. It would be better to die or submit than sacrifice moral victory by using deadly force. How unseemly and gauche. 2. As many as I had, assuming the male dominated firearms industry would sell me a gun; or let alone ammunition in the first place. 3. A minimum of fifty shots. Hey, how often do you get a chance like that to express yourself, and get in touch with your feelings? Grading the Exam * If 8 or more of your answers were "1": This indicates you're a true pacifist. Perhaps the meek will indeed inherit the earth someday, as it is written, but only when the rest of us are done with it. * If 8 or more of your answers were "2": Hey babe -- you're stuck in the 60's sweetheart. Loosen up! A full 12.7% of you chicks have good jobs and make almost as much us men now. I mean like ... What more do you want outta us poor males ? * If 8 or more of your answers were "3": Don't feel too bad. Society may not yet have a place for you, but Hollywood will, as soon as they start casting for the lead role in "Bride of Rambo".Link to joke: The media have grotesquely skewed the...
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep itforever."Link to joke: At a dinner party, several of...
Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters."Hello?""Hello, is this the FBI?""Yes. What do you want?""I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He ishiding marijuana inside his firewood.""Thank you very much for the call, sir."The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bustopen every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear atThibodeaux and leave.The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house."Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?""Yeah!""Did they chop your firewood?""Yep""Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."Link to joke: Working With The FBIThe phone rings...
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"Link to joke: At the card shop: A woman...
Yeah, fat broads are like mopeds. They're fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see you on one.Link to joke: Yeah, fat broads are like mopeds....
Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"Link to joke: Jon was looking for a little...
You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.Link to joke: You know why there's a string...
You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant. Guess what? His penis rejected it!Link to joke: You may have heard that a...
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?" Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?" The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"Link to joke: A game warden came upon a...
ZipperGate Update...In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering afull throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to theinvestigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerningan oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although theindependent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony,beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.Link to joke: ZipperGate Update...In a deal engineered by...
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