Full list of jokes
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married." "Why not?" giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."Link to joke: A man and a woman who...
A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier afterhaving eaten a very expensive lunch at one of Beverly Hills mostexclusive restaurants."Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with anabsolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, thefurrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, thatparticular fur goes for $65,000.""No problem! I'll write you a check!""Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You maycome by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared the bank."So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?!There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!""I just had to come by," grinned the guy,"to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"Link to joke: A man and his date walk...
A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering,finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem.Can you help me?""Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proudphysician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, thatdoes the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history."So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merryway.A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on thestreet. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got tothank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sexfourteen times in eight days!""Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What doesyour wife think about it?""Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't even been home yet!"Link to joke: A man comes to a doctor...
A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As hesat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. Anearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a cleanspoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, andasked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here thatdetermined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table.By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a stringhanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Thatsame efficiency expert determined that we spend 21.4% of our timewashing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of thatstring is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull thestring to get my tool out of my pants, go, and then return to work.Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands.Saves a lot of time.""Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis backin your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I usethe spoon."Link to joke: A man entered a restaurant and...
A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hookersays, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that'sfor a hand job." "$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the manexclaimed. " No hand job in the world could be worth $500!" The hookersummons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I cando with my hands." Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 andsure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexualexperience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "Godthat was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?" "$2500," the hooker replied. "$2500 for a blowjob?" Cried the astonished man. "That's way too much!" Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing acrossthe street. "Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there? I own that because of what I can do with my mouth." " Oh no," moans the man,"this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it." Once again the hookertakes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasurehe received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified. As soon as the man can speak again, he says, "I just have to know. How muchdo you get for pussy?" The hooker drags the man to the window for a thirdtime, points and proclaims, "Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there onthe corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!"Sent by TJLink to joke: A man finds himself staying in...
A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks. "It's herpes, AIDS,gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor. "Oh my God" says the man. "What are you going to do?""We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza." "Is that going to help me" says the man. "No" says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"Link to joke: A man goes into the doctor's...
A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatristsuggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the firstpicture and asks the man what he sees."A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies.The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man whathe sees."A man and a woman making love in a boat."He holds up the third picture."A man and a woman making love at the beach."This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says hesees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures.At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes andsays, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex."And the man replies, "Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures."Link to joke: A man goes to a psychiatrist....
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that hispoor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for hismigraines and STILL no improvement."Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'mgoing to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I havea migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for awhile. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I canstand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then Iget out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head iskilling me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, theheadache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back andsee me in six weeks."Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I tookyour advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!""Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help.""By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."Link to joke: A man goes to the doctor...
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign thatsays; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy wasinterested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay."Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. "Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied."Nope! Sorry play again".So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at thesame place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he wasreally ticked:"This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number tohave free sex!" He screamed."Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 timeslast week alone!"Link to joke: A man is driving down the...
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, "You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch"."But I'm not pregnant," she says."Well you're not out of the ditch yet," he says.Link to joke: A man is driving down the...
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