Full list of jokes
A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,"Don't move -- I'll be right back."When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?""I hiccupped."Link to joke: A man is in a hospital...
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly.The passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?"The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs."The passerby hands him the used condom and says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!"Link to joke: A man is walking past this...
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?""Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."Link to joke: A man leaned toward an attractive...
A man let out a humongous burp. Nearby, a man loudly says,"How dare you burp before my wife!" The burper replies,"Hell, I didn't even know she wanted to go first!"Link to joke: A man let out a humongous...
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist ifthere is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comesback to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."Link to joke: A man phones a mental hospital...
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the emergency operator asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"Link to joke: A man spoke frantically into the...
A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?" The man says, "Two's fine." She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" she asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "You wouldn't dare!"Link to joke: A man stops by a diner...
A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill."The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?"The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."Sent by sohLink to joke: A man takes his 10 year...
A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Nearthe cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD"printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letterscould mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would JesusDo", and was meant to inspire people to not make rashdecisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in thesame situation.The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm damnsure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."Link to joke: A man walked into a gift...
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"Link to joke: A man walked into a lawyer's...
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