Full list of jokes
A man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far asCleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was told to say 10,000 Hail Mary's. So he went on driving and praying.By the time he got through with the 10,000 Hail Mary's, he was approachingSan Francisco. Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny.So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy. Again there was asevere guilt reaction, so he went to confession. It was an old Irish priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's". The man said, "What?? In Cleveland, I had to say 10,000 Hail Mary's for the same thing. Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking in Cleveland?".Link to joke: A man was driving from New...
A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out thewindow and yelled, "Pig!" The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,"Bitch!" They continue on their way and as the man rounded thenext corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of theroad.Link to joke: A man was driving up a...
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."Link to joke: A man was leaving church one...
A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel.He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she wasfar too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she wasalso too expensive. Finally the pimp showed him a whore for $1, who happenedto have her legs open ready. The man agreed, but the pimp said he must wear a black condom. So the man wore the condom and bonked his heart out and hadthe time of his life. He enjoyed it so much he went back thenext day for the same $1 whore, and again had to wear a blackcondom.Again the prostitute had her legs open ready. When he went the day after, he asked the pimp why he must weara black condom? The pimp told him "To show respect for the dead."Link to joke: A man was looking for a...
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa,what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" heasked again.The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out herewith no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"Link to joke: A man was walking down the...
A man went to the doctor for a check up. "How do you feel?" asked the doctor. "Fine." he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, "How many times do you have sex per month?" "About two orthree." the man replied. "You should be doing better than that." the doctor offered. "Take these pills and come back in a month." The man did and a month later he was again asked by the doctor, "How many times did you have sex last month?" "About two or three times." the man answered again. "I can't understand it," the doctor continued, "you should be doing much better than that." "I don't know," replied the man, "that's not bad for having no car and a small parish."Link to joke: A man went to the doctor...
A man went to the doctor to get a physical, afterthe doctor examined him, he told the man he hadsome bad news... he had cancer and alzheimers.The man replied, " Well, at least I don't havecancer"Link to joke: A man went to the doctor...
A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. "Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!"Link to joke: A man with a wooden eye...
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."Link to joke: A man wonders if having sex...
A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while: "Honey, your tits are too small, and your boxis too tight,""Get off my back, dear!" she repliesLink to joke: A man, being on top of...
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