Full list of jokes
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just afterarriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phonerang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of acolleague on the other end of the line."We need a fourth for poker," said the friend."I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?""Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely."In fact, three doctors are there already!"Link to joke: A well respected surgeon was relaxing...
A Short History of MedicineI have an earache...2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.Link to joke: A Short History of MedicineI have...
A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless."Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts."Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die,they inflate and float you up to heaven."Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes offquite satisfied.Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes intothe kitchen."Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"What do you mean? says his mother.Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both herballoons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling"God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"Link to joke: A small boy walks into his...
Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs a shit."I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink""There's another trench over there" says the other."I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout andand i'll cover you so you can get back""OK" so the GI runs across while the other fires off themachine gun.He's waiting 10 minutes......15.......20....he shouts out "Are you Ok?".....nothing.Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting."Cover me i`m coming back"When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have you been? you've been gone for over an hour""Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her tits,fondled her arse,turned her round and fucked her frombehind!""It was great!""You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?" "nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"Send by Rob RowellLink to joke: Two GI's in the Vietnam war...
Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy. "Paddy," says Murphy, "I've got a problem.""What's the matter?" replies Paddy"Oi've bought a jigsaw and it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any edges.""What's the picture of?" asks Paddy"It's of a big cockerel," Murphy replies.Paddy says, "Alroight, Murphy, Oi'll come over and have a look."He gets to Murphy's house and Murphy opens the door. "Oh thanks for coming Paddy." He leads Paddy into the kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.Paddy looks at the jigsaw, then turns to Murphy and says, "For God's sake Murphy, put the cornflakes back in the packet."Link to joke: Paddy gets a phone call from...
A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup getsto her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose abombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter:"Sir! Please stop that immediately.""Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it headed?"Link to joke: A stuffy matron is with a...
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie.Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"Bernie: "The dog came here to pray.""Oh, come on." says the Rabbi."YES!" says Bernie.Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not aproper thing to do in temple."Bernie: "Its true!".."Ok", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do.""OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would considergoing to Rabbinical school????"Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"Link to joke: While leading the Friday evening services,...
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem.After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering.Patient: Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I dddo? (Doctor what can I do?)The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem.The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it.The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches.The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says:I dddoonnn?t ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble.Link to joke: A man visits the doctor's because...
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."Link to joke: A supermarket had a sale on...
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"Link to joke: In a survey of American women,...
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