Full list of jokes
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.""Yeah what happened?" asked the other.The first guy replies, "Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."Link to joke: A guy says, "I remember the...
"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend. "She brokedown and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year???"Link to joke: "I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed...
"Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told her to go fuck herself. Sincerely, Edna Johnston"Link to joke: "Dear Reyer School, God bless you...
An advantage of being with an older womanIf you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you.Link to joke: An advantage of being with an...
An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions."Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.""The same as the short ones, honey."Link to joke: An aging hooker volunteered to give...
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructedthe cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats andget prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants ifeveryone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except onelawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."Link to joke: An airliner was having engine trouble,...
Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothingseems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"Link to joke: Three Pastors from the south were...
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!""Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," stammered the private."Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?""No, no nothing of those..." said the private."Well then, what is it?""I'd rather not tell you sir...""Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now." "No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private."Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?""You see, she crossed her legs....."Link to joke: An army private went to see...
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service stationattendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."Link to joke: An attractive woman from New York...
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady,entered the doctor's office."We have come for an examination," said the young girl."Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain andtake your clothes off.""No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here.""Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."Sent by StanLink to joke: An attractive young girl, chaperoned by...
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