Full list of jokes
An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly hadto fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the airwith her deodorizer.Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator.He began to sniff.The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?""Why, yes, I do," he replied."What does it smell like?""Hmmm, I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shitin a pine tree."Link to joke: An Avon lady was along in...
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again -- the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs -- she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"Link to joke: An elderly couple, still very loving...
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like ayoung girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man andasks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says."90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?""Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"Link to joke: An elderly man goes into a...
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?""I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient.After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."Link to joke: An elderly patient needed a heart...
An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lotsof friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynecologist!"Link to joke: An eye-doctor was having his 40th...
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought helooked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. "I'm scaredout of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husbandwrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop fucking hiswife." "So stop," the barkeep said. "I can't," the womanizerreplied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't sign his name!"Link to joke: An infamous stud with a long...
WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!Link to joke: WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS...
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by anddeposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."Link to joke: An old couple is on a...
An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he couldn't find any money. Well, a couple of hours later the old laty got home and when she saw what had happened to her house she immediately called the police. When the officer on the other end answered the phone and asked her what the problem was she simply replied "yes officer someone broke into my house, took my clothes off, squeezed my melons, and shaved my pussy.Sent by BIG GUYLink to joke: An old lady lived by herself...
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?""Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat.""But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"Link to joke: An old lady was standing at...
« previous 1 2 … 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 … 123 124 next »