Full list of jokes
An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfasttable on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,"You know, 50 years ago, we were probablysitting here buck naked." The woman said, "Why don't we try that again?" So they stripped and sat down at the table again. Soon the old woman said, "Honey, my titties are as hot foryou today as they were 50 years ago."The man replied, "Of course they are dear, one's in youroatmeal and the others in your coffee!"Link to joke: An old man and an old...
An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made aliving. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried backhome. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed theolder man a $50 bill.The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you knowI've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend iton whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to legally marry your Ma.""Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?""Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.Link to joke: An old man and his son...
An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. "Oh honey", said the young nymph, "Does that mean we're going to do it three times?" "No", said the old man, "It means you can take your pick."Link to joke: An old man of 70 married...
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?""It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?""That's my business! Get me the course!"Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ."Link to joke: An old man was critically ill....
An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into thenurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to playalong with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing homewith his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said,"Mr.Smith I thought you told me your penis died"."It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"Link to joke: An old man, Mr. Smith, resided...
An old sailor goes to a brothel,where he chooses his girl and begins."How am I doing?" He asks."Three knots," she replies."Three knots? What's that mean?""You're not hard, you're not in,and you're not getting your money back."Link to joke: An old sailor goes to a...
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassingproblem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, andthey have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less thantwenty times. What can I do?""Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day forseven days and comeback and see me in a week."Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, Idon't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm fartingjust as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say foryourself?"."Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixedyoursinuses, we'll work on your hearing."Link to joke: An old woman came into her...
An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding. "Father," she said, "How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?" "My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be," he replied. "Well Father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk. The next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look at it. But this time, Father, I'm marrying a lawyer, so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed this time!"Link to joke: An older woman was in the...
And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?"And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."And Jesus said, "What?"Link to joke: And Jesus said unto his disciples,...
They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf in his underpants.They're for grass roots support.Link to joke: They just found out Clinton's been...
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