Full list of jokes
A doctor fell into a well once.He learned to tend to the sick and leave the well alone.Link to joke: A doctor fell into a well...
A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."Link to joke: A doctor's advice to young bride...
A doctor, an engineer, and a politician werearguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without aphysician mankind could not have survived, so I amsure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life beganthere was complete chaos, and it took an engineerto create some semblance of order from this chaos.So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician,"who created the chaos?"Link to joke: A doctor, an engineer, and a...
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."Link to joke: A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to...
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines."Don't know," the woman said.He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U- turn and drove up to them."This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either."Link to joke: A driver pulled up beside a...
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting readyto ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the twobegan, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later,felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired thepistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"Link to joke: A man was having problems with...
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one daycomplaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incrediblydumb. She does everything absolutely backwards."said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her togive a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours.He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said,"That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her togive a patient an enema every 24 hours. She triedto give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearlyexploded!"Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream fromdown the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prickMr. Smith's boil!"Link to joke: Two doctors were in a hospital...
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."Link to joke: A college student picked up his...
A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students onenight. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speakersystem. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the soundof my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Prettysoon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, eachone hanging on his every word.Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stagefor a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And thenhe repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." Ashe turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt,and yelled "SHIT!"Link to joke: A famous hypnotist was performing in...
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing,"he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."Link to joke: A famous surgeon went on a...