Full list of jokes
Girl woke up in the morning after a party and found an Elephant in bedbeside her.She said "I must have been tight last night"The Elephant said "You were the first time but second time was'nt so bad"Sent by lcgLink to joke: Girl woke up in the morning...
A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this happen?" She replied, "Last week." The police then asked, "Why did you wait until now to report it?" Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced."Link to joke: A girl called the police department...
A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated sideby side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendlyand all, said: "So, where y'all from?" The New York girl said, "From a place where they know betterthan to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and thenreplied: "So, where y'all from, bitch?"Link to joke: A girl from Texas and a...
A girl gets a tatoo of Santa Claus on one thighand a turkey on the other. She wants to show thatthere is something good to eat in betweenThanksgiving and Christmas.Link to joke: A girl gets a tatoo of...
A girl goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, I'm freakin' out...I'm freakin' out...my pee's coming out in four streams."He says, "Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do."She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle.She says, "It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams."He says, "It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there."Link to joke: A girl goes to the doctor....
A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing."Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!""WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"Link to joke: A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly...
A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cooksaw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner hecooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking andignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up thecooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."Link to joke: A group of cowboys were branding...
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."Link to joke: A group of third, fourth and...
A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive andfrank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explainseverything you've ever wondered about.Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ?A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has adifferent ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should actand look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can giveyou a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That'sright, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer andlots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick aman that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow"pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, Irecommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possiblyreassuring pot belly. Boldly approach him, offer to buy him a few beers,then invite him back to your place. He'll advise you from there.Q: How do I know if I found Mr Right ?A: Unfortunately, there's no sure way to tell. Therefore, I suggest youtry out many different kinds of men and many different kinds of bars.Q: Do men like aggresive virgins?A: Definitely. Although they don't admit it, men are often shy - so it'sup to you to be bold. In addition to bars, don't be afraid to approachmen on streetcorners, in restaurants, even in restrooms. Break the icewith simple "hello", followed by an offer to buy them dinner, drinks -even an expensive gift. Then invite them to back to your place.Q: What if a man's married ?A: Go for it. This is a great opportunity to enjoy the valuableexperience a married man possesses, without being tied down by any sortof commitment.Q: But what if I fall in love with a married man ?A: This is a tough one, especially if you're a woman and find yourselfpregnant. Ask him how he feels about his wife and family. If he says hiswife doesn't understand him and he's thinking of leaving her, believehim and continue your relationship, secure in the knowledge that he'llsoon make good his promise. Married men rarely lie about such importantmatters.Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comesto love and sex, experienced men are much more responsible, sincethey're not confused emotionally as virgins. It's a proven fact.Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?A: YES. Before if possible.Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing toremember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may atfirst seem strange to you. Do them anyway.Q: How long should the sex act last ?A: This is a natural and normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed orembarrassed. After your man has finished making love, he'll have anatural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with his friends toplay golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with hisfriends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcoholand sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel leftout - while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his laundry,cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him anexpensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.Q: What is "afterplay" ?A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manlyenergy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you todo after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, makinghim a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him aloneto sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?A: Yes. Although many virgins believe that quality, not quantity, isimportant, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect malepenis measures about six centimeters. Anything longer than that isextremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is sevencentimeters or over, you should go down on your knees and thank youlucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing hislaundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an expensive gift.Q: What about the orgasm ?A: What about it ? There's no such thing. It's a myth.Q: Are you sure ?A: Will you stop asking so many questions ? Do you distrust experiencedmen or something? Instead, prove how much you care for your boyfriend bygoing out and buying him an expensive gift.Link to joke: A Guide to Love and Sex...
A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, "how much?" she replies, "$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up." He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, "it's my hairdresser's fee!"Link to joke: A guy approaches a prostitute on...